When I first heard that Post Consumer Brands had released a cereal based off Hostess Twinkies, I couldn’t help but laugh. Obviously, this is meant to be a novelty cereal, and I knew I needed to try it just to say I had.  

In case you aren’t familiar with the Twinkie, it’s a snack cake released by Hostess snacks 91 years ago. It’s a golden sponge cake with a cream filling and is one of the most popular selling snack cakes of all time.  

Post launched this installment of their “dream cereals” lineup back in November of 2019. Other members of this cereal series include Oreo O’s, Nutter Butter Cereal, Chips Ahoy! Cereal, Nilla Banana Pudding Cereal, and more. There are also two other cereals in their line of Hostess cereals: Donettes Cereal and Honey Bun Cereal. 

Hostess Twinkies Cereal has absolutely no redeeming health qualities whatsoever, as you’d probably expect. A glance at the nutrition label is almost horrifying. At 180 calories and 16 grams of sugar for a single cup, this is undeniably one of the unhealthiest cereals I’ve ever seen.  

Skimming the ingredients list, the first ingredient is Dextrose, a simple sugar made from corn. Ingredient number two? Sugar. Among these healthy ingredients, you can also find BHT, a food preservative, hydrogenative oil, salt, corn syrup, canola oil, and artificial flavors. This is shocking to say the least.  

Comparing it to the product it’s based on, things get even more chilling. A single Hostess Twinkie is 130 calories, has four grams of fat, 21.5 grams of carbohydrates, and 14.5 grams of sugar. For those who don’t want to do the math, that means that a single cup of Twinkies Cereal has 50 more calories, 26 more grams of fat, seven and a half more grams of carbohydrates, and a gram and a half more sugar than an actual Twinkie. You read that right. An actual Hostess Twinkie is far, far healthier for you than a single cup of this cereal. 

The box that Hostess Twinkies Cereal comes in replicates a Hostess Snacks box with the vibrant red, blue, and white color scheme, the iconic Hostess logo, and actual Twinkies featured around the box. A bowl of the cereal can also be found on the front, depicting the pieces to be shaped like miniature Twinkies. 

The pieces are pill-shaped and a light yellowy color. A visible and unsettling layer of sugar powder is also very prominent on each piece. Opening the bag, you’re bombarded with a confusing aroma. It has a strong, disgustingly artificial scent that I want to say is vanilla, but I can’t be too sure. The best way to describe it would be stale, highly processed butter cream frosting. 

I’ve never been so confused and uncomfortable in my life. I honestly don’t know what to say about this cereal. In the back of my mind all I can think about is how I just consumed a literal bowl of junk for breakfast, and my body feels like that’s the case. 

Flavor wise, I’m not sure what to say. It’s unpleasant and I did not enjoy it, yet I can’t say it was outwardly revolting like Post’s Oreo O’s. Like Nutter Butter Cereal, the first noticeable flavor is the sugar powder layer coating the outside of the pieces. Where it differs from Nutter Butter, is after the sweet layer fades, you aren’t left with a delicious creamy peanut butter flavor. Instead, you’re left with more sweetness and an unpleasant, almost buttery fatty taste. 

It doesn’t taste like a Twinkie at all, but rather like someone rolled a stick of butter in old confectioner’s sugar and left it to dry out. But crunchy. And even more weird and unpleasant. It’s super sweet and sickeningly artificial and unhealthy tasting and I did not enjoy it. 

It has a similar texture to Nutter Butter Cereal in that it’s dense and crunchy, but it’s slightly softer since the pieces aren’t as large or uniquely shaped as the Nutter Butter peanut shaped pieces. The only positive thing that can be said about this cereal is that it retains its texture forever, like the Nutter Butter Cereal. 

Immediately after consuming Twinkies Cereal, my heart started to race uncontrollably, and all senses of a sugar rush became all too real. I feel physically unwell and like I’ll never sleep again, never be hungry again, and never look at food the same way again. 

 I don’t recommend this cereal. Nutritionally, or experience wise. How this product was ever even allowed to be released is unfathomable to me. All that’s left in my brain after that single bowl was the recurring reminder that I had an entire box of it left to finish. 

This is the cereal that little kids will beg their parents for, and the smart parents will hand them a box of Cheerios instead. I want to cleanse this from my mind. My body is still asking me, “what is this garbage you’re putting in me and why are you making me go through this?” The milk afterward isn’t even pleasant because the cereal is so caked with sugar that it doesn’t even disperse. 

If you thought Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Froot Loops were unhealthy sugary cereals, stay away from this bowl of fatty sugar nuggets. I need at least several bowls of Bran Flakes to reset my system, and a nice jog or two just to return to a normal state of being. Don’t try this, seriously. Spare yourself.